It has been a tough month or two for the rock band as we worked through differences of opinion……musical differences I think they call it. If you have been following my blog you will know that I took over the singing role quite some time ago after an unsuccessful exhaustive search for a new member who could fill the role. As I have mentioned previously, my voice was not up to the task to begin with and I took singing lessons to try and get closer to a sound that matched the quality of our instrumentation. This is where the issue arose.
When I first started singing it was as a fill-in while we sought a replacement singer. Once it became apparent that we would not find a replacement that was when I started the singing lessons and thought that my slot would be permanent. I put a lot of time effort and money into improving and I think I achieved a reasonable standard pretty quickly………….. but one member of the band did not agree. Over 18 months since I started singing I was asked how our search for a singer was getting on (why would I still be looking?). I explained the situation as I saw it and thought that was the end of it. A few months later we had a new support act join us for a gig and immediately afterwards it was suggested that we ask them if they would be our singer. I nearly walked out on the spot, it was extremely hurtful to be putting so much into something only for it to be thrown back in my face. I managed to stop myself doing anything that would burn bridges and went ahead and asked the singer. As it turned out he wanted to stay solo so we limped past that particular hurdle but I feel that it is still bubbling just below the surface.
Now I will be the first to admit that I do not have a rock god voice but I can hold a note and I have had positive comments from fellow singers that I respect. Singing well is very dependent on confidence and mine took a massive hit and I was not certain if I would be able to move past it. Every time I sang I had in the back of my mind what the band might be thinking about my performance. Luckily we had a couple of gigs shortly after this all happened and received the best feedback we have had since starting the band so I took some strength from that.
I included ‘ego’ in the title as I have had to question myself as to whether it is my ego that has been hurt by the events of the last few months. I think that if we found a great rock singer who would fit with the personalities in the band I would be happy to step aside. I think the issue is more to do with the pride I have taken in trying to improve and the level of effort I put in every time we practice and perform to be the best I can be. The replacement has to be a better fit than me, not just a replacement because my place was seen as temporary. I have always viewed the band as a family and want everyone to be the best they can and to enjoy what we do, I don’t see the need to go chasing someone better for each position in the band just so we can become a better band, I want to be the best band we can be, not the best band at any cost!
I am not sure whether the situation has completely resolved itself and it is possible it will be raised again in the future. I really did not enjoy the last few months so I doubt I would be able to weather the storm a second time. Bands split all the time and it is nearly always over something blown out of all proportion or that was not discussed clearly, I think we fell into that trap and have just managed to cling together. It is easy to see how quickly it can all fall apart. Hopefully we are back on an upward trajectory and will continue to make great music and enjoy ourselves.
Time will tell.